Your make-up determines your emotional needs. It goes without saying
that some folks are "needier" than others.
The key to getting emotional needs met is the ability to identify your
needs and figuring out how to get those needs met. If you are someone
who needs to feel accepted, admired, appreciated and fulfilled only
you know what you need to do in life to have those needs met.
If your marriage or relationship played a large role in meeting your
needs, it is up to you to find new ways outside your marriage /
relationship to fulfill those emotional needs.
Accepted, acknowledged, admired, appreciated, approved of, Believed
in, Capable, challenged, competent, confident forgiven, Forgiving,
free, fulfilled,Heard, helped, helpful,
Important, in control, included, listened to, loved, Needed,
noticed,Powerful, private, productive / useful,Reassured, recognized,
respected,Safe / secure, supported,Treated fairly,
trusted,Understanding, understood,Valued,Worthy
When going through the divorce/separation process and rebuilding your
life after separation/ divorce you will find you get your emotional
needs met if you surround yourself with a good support system.
Friends and family who acknowledge and honor what you are going
through will be invaluable during this time of transition.
You have to be willing to ask for what you need also. We all want to
feel independent, as if we can navigate our own problems without
burdening others. Such a belief system can lead to isolation and
isolation DOES NOT lead to healing.
If it is nothing but a hug, give yourself permission to ask
for a hug. A friend once told me that , when His ex first left the
marriage I kept my needs close to the vest. I had two children and
thought I had to appear strong and in control.
After church one Sunday we came home to find that our neighbor had
mowed the grass for us. Shortly after the discovery I was in tears.
His generous act had highlighted to me the things I had denied myself.
I needed help and he took the time to show my I was worthy of helping.
You have the right to be treated fairly by your ex, to feel
valued and power comes from giving yourself permission to ask for what
you need. No one can do it all and if your needs aren't being met you
will falter at what you do attempt to do.
So, take a few minutes, make a list of those needs important to you
and make sure daily that they are being met.
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